Where are you?

I used to contemplate the truth behind every tumblr post I reposted. Every gif, every photo of a couple entwined in each other, every cigarette left out in the cold from a window in NYC.

The common theme of these photos are of course, what a lot of us think we relate to. Being so desperately and hopelessly in love that you want every inch of him wrapped around you. Being so lonely you have a smoke by the kitchen window. Now these things seem pretty melodramatic in a way, and no matter how many of them I repost and attempt to relate to, I guess I never knew how.

It is comforting to know that somewhere on this earth, in a completely different timezone, there are people like you. People who feel the same emotions you do, and in my case, don’t.

It’s been a tumultuous first half of 2018. I’ve experienced things I’ve somehow convinced myself I was never going to in this life. For some stupid reason, I managed to talk myself out of ever being able to love, or be loved, for that matter. It was just that entire concept that I could not comprehend. Was it too profound or was I just a wimp? I’ll never know.

And now, I’m more muddled than I’ve ever been. Have you ever felt like, there wasn’t a next step? Every time things got chaotic, I always took a minute and thought, okay. What’s next. I just need to do what’s next and we’ll go one step at a time. And I did just that. But this time,

What’s next?