I’d like to just say

Meeting a new person has not always been my favorite thing in the world. I’m nervous, I’m worried that they might think I’m weird, I might be weird.

I must be honest and say that there have been many people that I have met, and wanted to get to know better, but I didn’t. I mean, I’m not a very interesting person. I’m regular, not spectacular. I stay at home during the weekends watching Seinfeld, and then I turn to pick up my phone. What do I see? Nothing. Not a single notification. Well, except for the occasional “@twinklestarz mentioned you in a tweet”, or “faithandlove liked your photo”.

I unlock my phone, open my apps, and scroll through them, reading about how my primary school friend is going to a club tonight, or how it’s my secondary school classmates’ 2nd anniversary as a couple.

But I do get out of the house. I’m not a hermit. I have friends, not especially close ones, just quite a number of regular ones; classmates, colleagues, and cousins what have you.

People who I have wanted to get to know better and hoped to have been close friends with add up to about how many fingers I have on both hands. More often than not, I meet someone, I introduce myself, she tells me about her and I tell her about me. We laugh, we exchange phone numbers. And as we grow closer over time, I begin to find out more things about her. Things she did, that I never thought she would. And I realize, she’s not the person I imagined her to be. I can’t be her friend.

And the cycle goes on. I have never met someone, who is so much like me that I did not want to seem too eager to get to know her.

Honestly, I don’t deserve to have a friend who will be there for me 24/7. Who will surprise me with snacks when I’m bored out of my mind on a Friday afternoon. Who will let me stay over at her place when I have a huge fight with my parents.

I choose my friends. I’m willing to bet they choose me too.