Tube of an Office Job

For months on end all I looked forward to was getting the hell out of school and starting work. It was all I focused on, all I saw myself working towards. I couldn’t wait to see familiar faces, people I knew and loved, people I missed terribly.

My friends ask me: “Why do you want to start working now?”, “Why don’t you want to continue your studies?”. Cross my heart, I didn’t have a good answer. I guess part of why I was so persistent in going back, why I didn’t even give my time of the day to scour job sites looking for other things, things I actually see myself doing, 10 years down the line, was maybe because the 6 months I’ve invested, the people I’ve met, the things I’ve done and the life lessons I’ve learnt, seemed too much at the moment to let go. If I’m being really honest, it was kinda like unfinished business.

Fast forward, 4 months later, right here, right now, I can’t seem to shake this little shred of doubt. I don’t want to feel even an ounce of it, it looks like I can’t allow myself to. I dragged my better sense of self through opportunities and further studies, and I folded, I squashed this person into where I am right now. For my sake, I do hope I get out.